10 Tips for Directors from a Young Intimacy Professional
"Stealing Diaries" Set, DP: Jared Prima, Dir: Meredith Mansfield, photo taken by Mackenzie Jamieson
I believe all directors should have the tools that Intimacy Education provides. There are many wonderful organizations such as Theatrical Intimacy Education (TIE) that work to educate directors on intimacy practices. Here are some “quick and easy” tips that directors can implement to create a braver space.
Tips:
1. Know Your Non-negotiables
Content Warning: This tip references abortion as an example of personal and graphic content.
“Non-negotiables” are the things you need. They are the choices you make before casting that align with your vision, concept, research, and artistic gut. It is important to define your non-negotiables so you can include them in your casting call.
For example: if you are casting Dry Land and you are choosing to comply with the playwright’s directions to have an entire, self-performed abortion on-stage at the end of the play, that needs to be in the casting call. The scene might not include nudity or physical intimacy but it requires enacting a character’s emotionally traumatic and vulnerable experience. If you have a lazy (or just plain busy) actor who doesn't have time to read the script in its entirety and doesn’t know about that scene, you’re in for a world of trouble if it’s outside their boundaries.
2. Bring in help asap
If you are planning to direct a script that calls for an intimacy director, intimacy coordinator, stunt coordinator or fight director, contact one ASAP. There is nothing worse than being contacted last minute. The work Intimacy/Violence Directors do can come out a lot better when they are brought in earlier in the process.
3. Clarity in the Casting Process
As I mentioned in #1, you must be explicit and detailed in your casting notice. If there is nudity (partial[1] or full), violence, traumatic reenactments, sexual assault, vulgar language, racist slurs, or any other sensitive materials, it is your responsibility to list this in the audition notice. It protects your actors, builds trust and ensures that you get the best fit for the job.[2]
4. GO BEYOND “THEY KISS”
Being specific is so important for directors. Sometimes writers will write “they kiss” in a script as a way to make room for interpretation. Unfortunately, that tells the actors auditioning for the role very little about the expectations of the directors. In the casting notice, audition room and rehearsal room, I recommend directors describe their interpretation of the intimate moment. It’s good for the actors to know what they are getting into. Specifics are also key in the rehearsal room so the actors aren't improvising or guessing. This can get weird really fast.
5. Actors are your collaborators.
This is the hill I will die on: Anything you write into the script before casting is what the actors are consenting to when they walk into the audition. However, once they have been cast, ANY changes require renewed consent.
This means having a conversation with your actors. They collaborate with you on a new choice that is within their boundaries. If they're not comfortable, that stance is not yours to change.
6. DoN’t force trauma into the room
There is this tradition in theatre that involves explicitly bringing the actor’s personal history to the telling of a story. This is not a universal tradition but it is common.
This can be dangerous.
Unless you have a degree and are a certified clinician, social worker, or therapist, it is not your job to bring someone else’s personal trauma into the room. Furthermore, to share this content in an inappropriate environment and respond, that person exposing themselves could be subjected to additional trauma.
Not only this but many actors do not use translation, substitution, or any other techniques that involve their personal experiences. It is inappropriate to assume that bringing their personal lives into the room will better the process. [3]
7. Button
TIE invented a wonderful tool. Think of it as a Pause Button. If anyone in the production process is uncomfortable, needing clarification or needing a moment to think, they say “Button.” This may remind you of a “Safe Word".” However, TIE points out that we associate the term “Safe Word” with sex because of its BDSM origins. For reasons I will describe in Tip #9, it is best not to bring those connotations into the room because it muddies the waters.
Also, silly Safe Words are a personal pet peeve. They take me out of the moment.
8. Invitations rather than Instructions
We are in the habit of associating Directing with directing. Rather than pointing one way and saying “do this,” there are better alternatives that invite more space for the actors' boundaries. Some examples:
“How would you feel about ____?
“Do you feel confident _____?”
“What do you think about ____?”
“Does that work for you?”
For a while, “Are you okay with ____?” slipped off my tongue. This was not the ideal mode of collaborating. It may feel as though the questions above will take more time. However, they are gentle adjustments that create a bit more space for the actors’ and prevents you from steamrolling through the process.
9. Desexualized Language
Content Warning: This tip references a position in which a sex is performed as an example of choreography.
Many Intimacy Pros use desexualized language. It can be more specific and more professional. For instance, if you ask an actor to go “Go into a blowjob position” you are doing several things:
Assuming they know what that is.
Assuming their experience with the thing is the same as yours and they will execute it the way you picture it.
Bringing along LOTS of connotations. Connotations that might make actors feel uncomfortable and get in the way of the work. No one wants that! Very quickly, it can become “The Blowjob Scene” and that can take away from the professionalism in the room.
It can cheapen the moment. There is a reason this specific sexual act is in the story. Get to the heart of it. When it comes to a blowjob, the core of it is a power shift; especially if it involves the sexual partners engaging in spacial levels. A better way to describe this moment would be “The moment where she feels safe enough to surrender.” This’ll help the actors continue to identify with the essence of the scene. Hopefully, it’ll strengthen that essence.
When we direct intimacy, we are choreographing movement. With that being said, we don’t ask dancers to “Spin romantically.” They wouldn’t know what that means. You’re more likely to say “do a 180-degree turn, in two counts, with heavy feet.” We want to use descriptive language. A good resource for this language is TIE’s 10 Ingredients (pg. 39 of Staging Sex by Chelsea Pace).
10. Capitalize on your Creativity
You are an artist. Your entire job entails thinking outside of the box. With this in mind, if an actors boundaries prevent you from staging something the way you’ve always pictured, use it as an opportunity to be creative. There are sooo many ways to tell the same story. And when boundaries present themselves, get to the heart of what you want out of a moment.
What got the characters here? What is this scene doing for the audience? What do we need out of this moment to get us to the next?
Answer these questions and then brainstorm choreography from there. If this proves difficult, that’s okay! That’s what your AD, Mentors, and colleagues are there for. If you have a connection to a movement professional, they would be the ideal person to ask for advice.
Footnotes:
[1] Partial Nudity should also include revealing of stomach, upper thighs and breasts. To some, this may seem excessive. Some may even argue that you “should be able to infer based on the characters personality.” I disagree. Body Dysmorphia is a very common mental disorder. Actors may have areas of their body that they wish to keep private or fear exposing. If your costumer has gone ahead and made these costume choices, your actors walking into your audition deserve to know.
[2] I would also recommend reminding your actors of the sensitive material and non-negotiables in the audition (whether it concerns the character they are auditioning for or if it is just something they would need to be a witness to). Then I would recommend giving them 24h (or another appropriate amount of time) to rescind their consent and back out of the audition process. True Consent is Reversible.
[3] The same goes for Intimacy Directors and Coordinators. A Mental Health First Aid training or two does NOT qualify you as a Mental Health Professional.