The Consent “Game”
Katie Tawzer in Machinal by Sophie Treadwell
Last year, I attended the 2019 Tourist Trap in Orlando (Stage Combat Workshop). One of the classes I took was taught by Jacqueline Holloway, an international fight choreographer, stunt performer and violence designer. Her class was titled “Consent.” In this class, she created an exercise that resembles a familiar theatre game: everyone circled up and whoever started the exercise would look across the circle, acknowledge someone by name and then that person would give (or not give) their consent in response. When you’ve received an “enthusiastic ‘yes’” (1) from someone, you could walk to take their spot in the circle. The caveat: you cannot leave your spot until you have received verbal consent from another person. This might mean the person walking to your spot has to hover a bit before your spot is freed up for them to fill. There is no “winning” or “losing” in this exercise; just experience.
This exercise was eye opening for everyone involved and we reflected when we found a good stopping point. I have replicated the “game” with ensembles I’ve worked with and there is always meaningful conversation afterwards. Whenever I’ve seen this exercise done, a few things happen:
1. Everyone reports how it felt to be rejected. Typically, they describe it as terrible or painful.
2. Many people would begin to walk (or at least rock forward on their feet) before getting a response from the person across the way – they were assuming consent.
3. Many reported feeling external pressure as the person ASKING for consent.
4. Many reported feeling external pressure as the person GIVING consent.
There is so much to be said for each of these responses. Why do we struggle so much with rejection? Why do we assume consent? Why do we feel pressure to avoid rejection? Why do we feel pressure to say ‘Yes’ all the time? Most of those answers are fairly obvious. Which leads me to wonder, what can we do to change the culture around Consent? And not just related to sex but to anything involving the exchange of “Will you _____?” to “ Yes/No , I will (not).”
These cultural tendencies are part of the reason for the role of the Intimacy Professional. It is key to have someone in the room able to sever the power dynamic and advocate for the well-being of those involved in a room full of directors with an eye on a vision. Coercion is somewhat in our nature and we need to find opportunities to rewrite/combat this tendency.
1 The Enthusiastic “Yes!” – pick up any book on consent and you will learn that this (and other enthusiastic verbal assurance such as “Totally!” and “Absolutely!”) are the only sure modes of verbal consent. Anything that isn’t an Enthusiastic “Yes!” is a “No.”
